Posts tagged ‘lobster’
18 Emojis that Need to Exist
As a writer, words are my favorite, but I can never turn down the use of an emoji as an accoutrement to whatever sentence I’m sexting texting. “Hey do you want to grab a drink? *insert wine glass emoji*” “BRB jumping in the shower. *insert shower head emoji*” “Let’s make out! *insert eggplant emoji*”
But far more often than not I find myself searching for an emoji that just doesn’t exist and then consequently get irrationally angry about it. Like seriously how is there no cheese icon? And could there be more race representation? And wouldn’t adding the middle finger emoji just solve so many problems?
On the offset chance that emoji creator, Willem Van Lancker, spends his lunchbreak reading my nutty voice, I’ve drawn 18 emojis that I believe to be essential to the iPhone user experience. Crikey, I sound like I was born in the Apple Store.
1. Smiley Face with Glasses: Sunglasses Guy is cool and all, but what about when I’m acting like a nerd and need emoji-graphic backup? Or how about when I’m talking about George Costanza? Or for all those times I’m at the optometrist? The four-eyed folk need representation and Sunglasses Guy just isn’t going to cut it.
2. Barf Face: Whether hungover, sick, or simply disgusted by something, the Barf Face would be an excellent way to emphasize just how bad things really are. It could also be the 911 face you send to your boyfriend when you’ve had too many margaritas and need to be picked up.
3. Fingers Crossed: Not everyone prays, but a fingers crossed emoji would certainly cover the base of portraying that you’re hoping something happens. It could also be a great way to confuse someone since crossing fingers can also mean that you’re lying. “Be there in five! *insert crossed fingers*” and arrive an hour later.
4. Middle Finger: I have no doubts that this emoji would be used more than the poop icon. It speaks for itself in so many ways that I find it unnecessary to explain its importance. So #@%$ you!
5. Beach Ball: I was actually surprised to find this one missing since almost every ball is represented and there are multiple emojis that imply beach time fun. And though I can’t say I’ve played with a beach ball in the past couple of years, it would serve the purpose of a glorious accoutrement to a sentence as simple as “Let’s go to the beach!”
6. Tampon: My friends and I have spent an embarrassing incredible amount of time figuring out the best way to use emojis to describe our periods. We’ve used everything from the big red dot to the exploding volcano, but nothing has really stuck. Since this is clearly a monthly issue, I’m making a stand and demanding proper menstruation representation in the form of a vagina plug.
7. Soap: Because why not? We have the shower. We have the bathtub. But what about a fresh bar of bubbling soap? I’m not asking for a bubble bath or a rubber ducky, just a simple bar of soap to emphasize personal hygiene.
8. Toothbrush: This goes along with the soap. We brush our teeth — I hope — multiple times a day. You could practically emoji-out (see how I did that instead of type-out?) your entire morning routine pending the soap and toothbrush get added to the lineup.
9. Cigar: Pairing a suit and tie with a martini — all of which are current emojis — is one thing, but a suit and tie with a martini and a cigar? Now that’s what I call a gentle(wo)man’s club.
10. Champagne: This may be even more obvious than the Middle Finger. How often does a bursting bottle of champagne describe just what it is you want to be doing? Whether it’s New Years, an anniversary, or your first round of botox, a bursting cork is always necessary and therefore so is its emoji.
11. Cheese: As a cheese-a-holic, I stand tall when saying that this is the most important emoji of all time. Its lack of presence irks me so much that I would gladly grab a wheel of France’s finest brie to smash over the head of Willem Van Lancker just to make a point. I’d also still eat the wheel of brie after it hit the floor because no cheese should ever go to waste. Since brie may be a little harder to depict as an emoji, I went for the all around crowd pleaser and easy to identify slab of swiss.
12. Hotdog: Another should-be no-brainer: the hotdog! As far as I’m concerned hamburgers and hotdogs go together like turkey and stuffing, so why be exclusive and pick only one to feature? If Bruce and Gretchen are having a barbecue I want to know if they’re serving burgers and dogs, the latter of which shouldn’t have to be spelled out.
13. Popcorn: Though the current emojis including a VHS, a clapboard, a DVD, a camcorder, and a video camera could easily do the trick, nothing quite says going to the movies like a heaping bag of popcorn. Said popcorn could also be used to go along with the circus tent, merry-go-round, and ferris wheel, all of which only further support the necessity of this here festive and buttery snack.
14. Avocado: Do avocados even need an explanation? They’re almost, and I mean almost, as important as cheese. And Zeus’s beard, Willem, if you’re going to feature something as rogue as the sweet potato then at least pick something as universally pleasing as the avocado as well.
15. Pickle: Something tells me that were the pickle to be an active emoji, it might take the place of the eggplant in frequence of use. Plus I hear it’s something pregnant women crave along with ice cream, so there’s always that.
16. Lobster: Emojis could use a little decadence and what better way to do so than with a juicy lobster? I also find the current shell emoji to feel a little lonely, so another crustaceous creature couldn’t hurt.
17. Shark: With all the hype that Shark Week gets — and rightfully so — a shark shooting out of the water with hungry jaws just seems like one of the more likely additions to the emoji lineup. Plus, if you were to get really creative, you could use it as a symbol of hunger in a sort of, “FEED ME NOW” type of way.
18. Unicorn: Unicorns are huge; they’re probably more popular than any of the other emojis existing or fantasized about. And how else are you to describe how magical or majestic something is without the help of a sparkling pink unicorn? I mean, really.
Ok, now it’s you’re turn. What emojis are you dying to see? Tell me please!
Oh Say Can you See…This Lobster on My Dress?
Last week I gave you four examples of unobnoxiously festive outfits for the Fourth of July, and today I am here to show you how I plan to manifest such a look for my Independence Day festivities — a.k.a. this is what I’m going to be wearing on July 4th.
Aside from perhaps a party hat or a set of twinkle lights, I have not come across anything quite as festive as a red dress. Whether it’s a holiday party or just a random Tuesday night, a red dress is a surefire way to look more festive and jolly than anyone else in the bunch (i.e. don’t wear an eye-catching firey red number to a wedding).
Of course what makes this dress even more appropriate for the Fourth of July is the giant lobster printed across the front whose right claw also happens to be perfectly aligned with my right nipple for ample pinching. And while I recognize that nipple pinching probably isn’t how our forefathers imagined us celebrating this day of Independence come 2013, I believe this is only because they weren’t fortunate enough to know how awesome a bright red shift dress with a lobster on the front looks.
I actually imagine that our forefathers, were they in America when we declared independence, didn’t care much for festive dressing. They also probably didn’t care much for lobsters since the crustacean didn’t really become popular as a cuisine until the 19th century (this is not knowledge that I knew offhand; Wikipedia is a powerful thing).
But none of that is important now. What is important is that this dress, which I’ve had stored in my closet since November, is now finally getting its moment to shine. Bring on the sparklers. Bring on the barbecue. Bring on the red, white, and blue nipple tassels. As I said last Friday, I’m ready for the fourth.
Tibi Dress | Gianvito Rossi sandals | Minusey bracelet
Wear That Wall on Your Sleeve
As a newcomer to the world of gingham, polka dots, and pretty much any other hefty dose of printed fabrics (see yesterday’s post on the thought bubble skirt), I’ve now started looking everywhere thinking, “hm…could that make a cute skirt?”
I am also a relatively new addict to Pinterest, and find myself using it as a main source for procrastination and inspiration. Multiple times a day I click over to the picture-filled website, compiling mini libraries of scenic beaches, copy-worthy outfits and much to my surprise, wallpaper! Though I usually find wallpaper to feel stuffy and obnoxious, lately these colorful rooms have been inspiring me in more ways than just interior design. A blue and gold lobster blazer? Why not! Pink bamboo printed pencil skirt? Sign this sister up! A pleated silk chiffon dress decked out in toy cars? Abso-freakin-lutely! I guess what I’m getting at here is that I am still drawn to the notion of looking to interior design for style inspiration, and that were I to ever have my own fashion line it would include more of your grandmother’s wallpaper than you could even possibly begin to imagine. But until that happens, let’s just take a moment to dream about these strips of wallpaper as a three-piece pantsuit with a clutch to match.
Because It’s Awesome
Each time I wear either this jacket or these shoes I get a variety of comments — some positive, some negative. For example, a boy once said to me in reference to this outerwear, “why on earth did you buy that?” Ok, a few things here. One: I can’t believe a guy actually said “why on earth” — I feel like only people who say “geez” or “golly” or “soda pop” say that. Two: do you really want me to explain why I bought this jacket? Because it’s a pretty uninteresting, anti-climatic story. So, I simply responded with “because it’s awesome” and walked away. (Jerk.)
Now, when I was younger (ages 5-24) a comment like that would have sent me to Insecure City where people hide in corners and try to blend in with the walls. But as I’ve matoooooored (that’s “matured” with an obnoxious accent), I’ve grown to care less and less about what people think in regards to my sartorial choices. Much like the belief that most people would rather be overdressed than under, I would rather dress like myself than try to blend in with the vanillas of the world. This is starting to sound like a preachy post, and though that wasn’t my initial intention I’m going to roll with it. You see I’m under the belief that if you feel like your look is a little on the “is this appropriate?” side then you should definitely wear it. So I leave you with this: should someone question your outfit or comment on its ridiculousness, tell them it’s awesome and walk away. (Cause they’re a jerk.)
William Rast jacket (similar here) | Splendid shirt | Moschino skirt | Tibi clutch | Burberry wedges | Ray-Ban sunglasses
// photos by Emily Malan
A Week in Review
Crustaceans have invaded my apartment (pillow via One Kings Lane, clutch thanks to Tibi)
This week has been all about change. I chopped off my hair, had a number of meetings about some major upcoming changes to the blog, and tonight I celebrate the engagement of one of my best friends. Normally I hear the word change and shrivel up like a snail covered in salt, but there’s something about a new year that encourages a switch.
My dad once told me that change isn’t difficult, it’s the decision to make the change that’s the hard part. But this week I’ve been all about the decisions: chop of my hair, slice off that mole, discard those shoes, to hell with that bitch! And I have to say, it’s one of the most refreshing things I’ve done for myself.
So, since I’m clearly in a “preachy” mood, I’ll leave you with this: if you’re thinking about making the change, just rip off the bandaid and do it. Nothing’s permanent. Well, unless it’s plastic surgery or something…
One of the many delicious appetizers from last weekend’s party (ricotta, bacon, strawberries, and a drizzle of balsamic)
Brain stimulation
Finally got around to organizing my jewelry (countdown to when it becomes a mess again)
Sometimes I like to sit around and draw sea creatures
